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Quicksand

Halo, everyone. How are you? I hope you're all doing great. I know it's been a while since I've written a blog post—I apologize. To be fair, I didn't feel like writing another post again for a few months. Uh, well, eventually I learnt I had to let that attitude go.

There are many times when I am all alone and everything is quiet, especially at night, I start questioning myself about my life, like… why my life is so hard and my struggles so arduous. A big part of me cannot understand why I have to face so many problems that seem to never end and why I can’t just live a less stressful life, but the more I think about it, the more I get so frustrated, and then I end up crying myself to sleep like a sad, sad little girl. How silly.

I know that nobody has a perfect life and that everyone has at least one problem in their life, of course. But to be honest, I am so sick of my family problems and my own too. I’m sick that they can’t act their age. I’m sick of getting my hopes up for nothing. I’m tired of trying and not getting any results. I don’t know how long I can hold on. It seems like things just keep getting worse for me. I feel like… I’m being trapped in quicksands. I am thankful that my head is above the sand so I can still see, hear, breathe and speak, but I know I’m about to drown and I don’t know what to do. If I move, I will sink deeper. And that makes me feel afraid and worried. I’m worried if I do something, it will cause me nothing but even more trouble. I know I have to think and act fast in order to save my life, but heck, I’m stuck and I’m too afraid to do anything.

Escaping To Bali

Halo, cutes! How are you all doing? I hope everything is going awesome with you guys. Eh, guess what? I ran away from home… AGAIN, haha. So, my cool friend who lives in Kuala Lumpur text me on Tuesday night, saying she would be in Bali with her 2 other friends by the weekend and she invited me to join her 5 days trip.

The first thing that popped into my mind was my awkwardness around new people. All my life, I’ve sheltered myself. I never have many friends since I never really get involved in social gatherings or stuff like that. It’s just not my thing. I am super shy and I can be very awkward around new people. It’s become even more difficult for me since my anxiety kicked in too. I try to be nice and friendly to everyone though, but it’s just never easy for me to start a conversation or find something to talk about with a stranger or anyone I barely know and keep it interesting.

So, going on this trip was a pretty big deal for me. I was nervous and worried about pretty much everything, like, what if her friends didn’t like me? What if I stuck out like a sore thumb among a group of people who love each other? What if I did something stupid and ruined everything? I kept asking myself, what the hell was I doing? Why was I putting myself in a vulnerable position with people I don’t know?

Sadturday

Halo! How was your weekend? I hope it went great. Mine was not fun at all. It was dead boring. I was very bored at home and I felt like I needed to get out of the house before I got depressed or overthinking about anything. My mood wasn’t good at all. I thought being alone was what I actually needed. So, I checked in at Artotel, Jakarta. Once in a while, I need this. I need some time on my own. It’s allowing me to focus on myself. No pressure, no stress, and no worries.

Anyway, I really enjoyed my staying at Artotel. It’s actually my second staying, just a few weeks after the first one. What I like about this hotel is their mural art. The building itself has tats around it. It’s a tattooed building! That’s how I see Artotel, haha. I really like this hotel because the exterior design isn’t like any  other normal building, haha. Awesome artwork!!
image by hotels.com