Is It Time to Move Out?

Halo, cutes! Thank you so much for all of your lovely sweet comments on my previous post. I’m truly sorry that I’ve been neglecting my blog the past couple of months. To be honest, I wasn’t in the mood to blog about anything. I know, I know… I am not such a good blogger, but here I am back in blogging and I must say I miss you guys so much! Well, I actually have something to share with you today. Something that’s been bugging me since the me and my family moved to this house a few years ago.

So, anyway, I have been thinking very seriously about moving out from my parents’ house lately. Not that my house is uncomfortable which if that was the case, I wouldn’t have hesitated to live in a rat hole and make it comfortable. It’s my heartless ignorant neighbor. They have more than three dogs and they always bark so loud. Ugh, sure dogs will be dogs. They bark. No one should expect a dog to never bark. That's as unreasonable as expecting a child to never talk. Yes, I know that. But these dogs bark constantly and excessively, like, every freaking day and night. And I haven’t slept in ages!! It’s so annoying.

It’s past midnight. I should be sleeping right now, but I can’t. Actually, I was sleeping before I decided to start writing this post. I was in my dream island until those dogs started to bark like crazy and now I can’t get back to sleep. The dogs already stopped barking, like, a few minutes ago. It’s so quiet now. Still, I can’t get back to sleep. Oh, how fair it is… those dogs are probably having really sweet dreams and I’m sitting here, feeling so annoyed because I can’t get back to sleep.

I like dogs. I like cats too. I like fluffy animals. They’re so cute. And my neighbor clearly doesn’t know how to discipline their dogs. I don’t think they even care about those dogs and understand that having a pet(s) is more than just feeding them. What a sick family. They never take their dogs for walks or to the vet for a routine checkup. Most people I know never take their dogs to the vet unless they get sick or have an accident. If I had a dog or a cat, whatever the pet is, I’d take them to the vet for a routine checkup because that is the right thing to do! Animals can’t talk to tell us what hurts them or why they’re sad so it’s the owner’s job to make sure everything is okay.

I always want to have a dog. Dogs are great protectors and will scare away anyone who tries to mess with you but my parents never let me have a pet, whether it’s a fish, a cat, a turtle, a dog, or anything. It takes a really big responsibility to take care of an animal. If your pet dies, then you will have to explain why you don’t treat your pet well to God when you die. Seriously. And, besides, I am such a crybaby. I cry very, very easily. Animals like cats and dogs have such short lives and I’ll be crying for days, weeks or even months when they die.

Oh, well… enough about my neighbor and their dogs. You know, I always like the idea of living alone in an apartment. It’s a fun and exciting thing and it always excites me just to think about living alone. I can hardly wait for it. I can’t wait to have my own space. Seriously, the thought of living alone and being independent is so appealing to me. I always dream to leave this city as it’s way too crowded now and sadly, not as nice and safe as it used to be when I was little.

I always envy those who live alone. They have so much freedom. Just imagine, to live alone means that you are not bound by other person’s rules and regulations. You are free to walk around (almost) naked in your apartment, use your bathroom without closing or even locking the door, watch TV without anyone telling you to do this and that. You can do pretty much anything you want. How fun is that? I can sit in my small comfy flat and enjoy the space and quiet. I get to decorate my flat how I want it to because, of course, I have total control of my life and my home.

I’ve talked to my father about this and he didn’t like it at all. I know it won’t be easy for my parents to let their only daughter move out, but they’ve got to realize that I am no longer a little child. I am a big girl now. I can’t live with them forever. I mean, I have to grow up and stand up for myself one day.

I know that I’m not responsible enough and not mature enough for my age. I act like a normal girl in front of strangers, but it’s just an act. When I’m with my family, I can be as childish as I really am. And I still fool around sometimes. My parents are probably worried about me living on my own in another city because of that. Well, whose fault is that? There are times when I feel like they still treat me as if I’m still eight and I don’t like it. It makes me dependent to them and I hate being dependent to my parents. It’s time for me to start my own life, make my own decision and accept the consequences of every single thing I do. No more running to my parents and ask for their help when I get in trouble. Ugh, not like I’m a trouble maker though. I mean, it’s time for me to learn to live on my own and take responsibility of everything I say and do.

How my parents treat me is the second biggest reason (the first biggest reason is my neighbor’s dogs) why I should move out. If I don’t it now, then I will never have my chance to learn to take care of myself and be more responsible of my own life. Right?

Well, my parents may disagree with me about my idea of moving out thing, but soon or later I will move out. I have to. I can’t just pack my stuff and go. I will have to talk about this again with my father. There’s no doubt, I love my parents more than anything in this world. I just think I will never be able to learn how to grow up and be responsible as long as I live under the same roof with my parents. And I hope they will understand.

Alonely

Hey, cutes...

Finally, it’s 2018. So, first of all, happy new year to all of you. I hope you had a lovely New Year break and enjoyed time to chill with your family. Celebrating New Year is an old tradition. It’s when the town filled with colorful decorations, one of the happiest moments of almost everyone’s life. Almost everyone, because I don’t really see the point of celebrating new year somehow. It’s not quite fun and exciting for me. I mean, it’s always about the beginnings anyway. January 1 feels exactly the same as December 31 to me.

I still remember when I was a little girl, I thought something magical must happen in the middle of the night since all the grownups looked so happy about it. And then my parents let me stay up past midnight. I was very excited to wait for that magical thing to happen. But… nothing happened. I never celebrate the New Year’s again since then. But I love fireworks though. I love to see fireworks lighting up the sky. It’s so beautiful and fun to watch. That’s my only reason to stay up late on new year. Well, I hope you all have a super fantastic year with lots of learning ahead. May God bless you with all the success and happiness you deserve.

Okay, enough about new year. Thank you so much for your lovely comments and tips on my last post about my anger issue. I’ve seen all of your comments and they’re making me cry—but in a good way, of course. I’m so touched at how nice and sweet you are to me. Reading all your comments really made my day.

Silent Anger

Hi, cute readers! Thank all of you who took the time to leave a comment on my last post. It’s such a wonderful feeling to read all your kind words and good wishes. You are all so nice. Anyway, I woke up this morning feeling so sad and now my chest hurts really bad like it’s cracking open. I have so much going on in my head that I don’t even know where to start to tell you. I feel like there are so many things wrong with me though everyone thinks I’m fine.

First of all, I have so much anger and disappointments in my life that I find it difficult to put in words. It makes me literally shake and it haunts me every day. It’s crazy how one little thing could ruin my whole mood easily. So much unneeded rage and it’s starting to get to me. No one see it, of course, because I taught myself not to show my anger.

I Miss My Childhood

Hey, beautiful people. Thank you so much for your nice and welcoming comments on my previous post. I’m so happy reading every single of them. I never thought blogging could be this fun. Seriously! It’s so good to interact with new people, since I don't really have friends 😔 For the first time in my life, I feel not only motivated, but also excited about blogging and sharing my stories with you. OMG, this is really fun.

Anyway, do you ever miss your childhood? I do think about it a lot lately. I miss those years so bad. I feel like, the older I get, the more I miss my childhood moments. Everything was so amazing and possible. I really miss the time when I thought that everything was in my reach, when I had so much fun on playground, when toys could give me so much joy, when I didn’t need to think about complicated things, when simple things made me happy, and life was full of dreams and fantasies.

Childhood friends classmates

Recently this month, I’ve been wanting to go back to my childhood so desperately. Sounds very ridiculous, I know, but I really miss those moments when I was carefree, no worries, no grudges, and life was just as simple as building a Lego house or riding bikes or as imagining you could float on the cloud, all the way into Heaven.

You know what’s funny? When I was a little girl, I used to think that being a grown-up would be easy and a lot more fun. Yes, I thought when I would be a grown-up, I would have the freedom to do whatever and whenever I wanted. Forever. You know, like drink Coke in the morning, having pizza for dinner every single night, stay up past midnight, go outside to play all afternoon and evening and keep playing because no one would tell you to come inside.

I thought being a grown-up would be so wonderful until I realized that I have to deal with so many unpleasant facts about life, how my life has turned out to be different from what I expected. This is not at all what I thought being a grown-up would be when I was a kid. Really. I never realized I would have to make endless amounts of choices that would have big effect on my life. And that some of that choices would be unpleasant and really hard. When I was still a little girl, everything was curious and exciting. Well, I guess it’s always like that, right? Before you knew what you knew today, you saw the world in a different way.

Halo

“To the world, I adore and all the beautiful people
that struggle to survive from anxiety and depression,
let me introduce myself and share my stories with you.”

So, I finally decided to start writing a blog. And this blog will be like my online diary. Well, I’m not the type to talk about my feelings or what’s on my mind, but I’ve been really sad and weepy the past year. I feel like all messed up in my head and I feel extremely anxious and depressed like I haven’t been in a very long time. Ugh. I have so much disappointment, anger and hurt built inside me. It’s like... do you know when you blow a balloon with air until it pops? That is exactly how I feel right now. The problem is, I don’t have enough confidence to express my feelings bluntly like that and I don’t have anyone to talk to. I know some people and I do have friends, but we’re not so close. Heck! They’re not even nice enough to be called friends. Most of them are mean to me and I don’t want to deal with people like them.

My mother once told me that writing can help to alleviate my stress and worries. She also said that it’s a very good way to help me deal with my problems and keep my sanity in check. I agree. I think it’s a true proven fact that writing out all my problems can actually release some of the negative associated with them and help me think clearly through them. Actually, that’s the main reason why I want to start blogging – so I can handle my anxiety and don’t fall into insanity.

So why am I putting out my problems on the internet?