Wednesday, October 11, 2017

I Miss My Childhood

Hey, beautiful people. Thank you so much for your nice and welcoming comments on my previous post. I’m so happy reading every single of them. I never thought blogging could be this fun. Seriously! It’s so good to interact with new people, since I don't really have friends 😔 For the first time in my life, I feel not only motivated, but also excited about blogging and sharing my stories with you. OMG, this is really fun.
Childhood friends classmates
Anyway, do you ever miss your childhood? I do think about it a lot lately. I miss those years so bad. I feel like, the older I get, the more I miss my childhood moments. Everything was so amazing and possible. I really miss the time when I thought that everything was in my reach, when I had so much fun on playground, when toys could give me so much joy, when I didn’t need to think about complicated things, when simple things made me happy, and life was full of dreams and fantasies.

Recently this month, I’ve been wanting to go back to my childhood so desperately. Sounds very ridiculous, I know, but I really miss those moments when I was carefree, no worries, no grudges, and life was just as simple as building a Lego house or riding bikes or as imagining you could float on the cloud, all the way into Heaven.

You know what’s funny? When I was a little girl, I used to think that being a grown-up would be easy and a lot more fun. Yes, I thought when I would be a grown-up, I would have the freedom to do whatever and whenever I wanted. Forever. You know, like drink Coke in the morning, having pizza for dinner every single night, stay up past midnight, go outside to play all afternoon and evening and keep playing because no one would tell you to come inside.

I thought being a grown-up would be so wonderful until I realized that I have to deal with so many unpleasant facts about life, how my life has turned out to be different from what I expected. This is not at all what I thought being a grown-up would be when I was a kid. Really. I never realized I would have to make endless amounts of choices that would have big effect on my life. And that some of that choices would be unpleasant and really hard. When I was still a little girl, everything was curious and exciting. Well, I guess it’s always like that, right? Before you knew what you knew today, you saw the world in a different way.

Monday, October 2, 2017

Halo

“To the world, I adore and all the beautiful people
that struggle to survive from anxiety and depression,
let me introduce myself and share my stories with you.”

So, I finally decided to start writing a blog. And this blog will be like my online diary. Well, I’m not the type to talk about my feelings or what’s on my mind, but I’ve been really sad and weepy the past year. I feel like all messed up in my head and I feel extremely anxious and depressed like I haven’t been in a very long time. Ugh. I have so much disappointment, anger and hurt built inside me. It’s like... do you know when you blow a balloon with air until it pops? That is exactly how I feel right now. The problem is, I don’t have enough confidence to express my feelings bluntly like that and I don’t have anyone to talk to. I know some people and I do have friends, but we’re not so close. Heck! They’re not even nice enough to be called friends. Most of them are mean to me and I don’t want to deal with people like them.

My mother once told me that writing can help to alleviate my stress and worries. She also said that it’s a very good way to help me deal with my problems and keep my sanity in check. I agree. I think it’s a true proven fact that writing out all my problems can actually release some of the negative associated with them and help me think clearly through them. Actually, that’s the main reason why I want to start blogging – so I can handle my anxiety and don’t fall into insanity.

So why am I putting out my problems on the internet?