Merry Christmas!

Halo, everyone. How are you? Wow, it's been a long time since the last time I updated my blog. So much has happened since August. Some issues seem not getting any better like they should. I feel like I’m stuck in a loop. Now I’m just trying to hold on, be strong and keep my sanity. The last few months, I've been trying to keep myself busy so I won’t be too stressful or sad about my problems and all the things going on in my family.

Anyway, it's past midnight and I haven't slept even a minute. I keep coughing and feel like I'm trying to clear my lungs but coughing just makes me cough more. My throat hurts so bad from coughing. My nose is so stuffed that I have to breathe through my mouth, which just makes it even worse. I'm super tired but I have this horrible cough that is not allowing me to sleep. Oh, poor me😢

Drawing Is My Therapy

Halo. How are you?
Ever since I was little, I always like to draw because it's fun to me. Drawing always works to make me feel relaxed and forget all my problems for a while. It's like my other way to express my feelings beside blogging. Actually, drawing has helped me through difficult times to cope with my anxiety in ways I can't put into words. When I draw, I feel like I get lost in my own little world, where the only two things that exist are the subject of my drawing and me. It feels so good to let my imagination go on a piece of paper. It's a really fun way to kill time. I could spend hours just to draw one subject. I would rather choose  drawing than going out somewhere with some friends. Haha, weird? Wait, do I even have friends?

Chocolate Candies

Halo, thank you so much for the comments on my last post. Some of you write a very long comment and I appreciate that you took the time to type it all down. It happened long ago but it still makes me feel very disappointed and sad sometimes, and reading your comments really made my day. Again, thank you so much for your nice words, advice and also some jokes from Kresnoadi😅

Okay, so now let’s talk about something light. Mm, who loves chocolate? All we need is love, but hey, a little chocolate won’t hurt, right? Why, they say chocolate is actually good for your heart and and it lifts your mood too. Now, can you beat that?

I've always loved chocolate so much and I really enjoy making them for friends and family! It's very relaxing and it's my escape from stress. I never thought that one day I’d really love and enjoy making chocolate as much as I love and enjoy eating them. Making chocolate is a new experience to me, and I must say it’s fun and exciting.

Doormat

Halo, there! Have you ever had enough of someone's attitude, selfishness or mistreatment? Have you ever gotten to the point where you just couldn’t take anymore of the way someone is treating you?

There are times when I feel like I am nothing more than just a tool to some people. I'm sick and tired when they call me only when they need my help but they act as if I'm not existed when they don't need me. It makes me think that they want to be my friends just to treat me like a doormat.

Appreciation Post

So, last month I wrote about how sad I was because I felt like all my problems seemed to never end, how I wished my life was easier and everything was just simpler. Some of you tried to leave a comment on my last post but I decided to disable the comment section, so sorry for that. I thought it was a pathetic post (I actually still think it is) so I didn’t want you all to think that I was seeking for some attention from you or whatever since my posts are mostly sad. I also didn’t want you to feel like you are obligated to comment on my last post just because I did on yours. I was stressed out of my mind, scared and so overwhelmed with my problems. I just wanted to write how I really felt on my blog to make me feel better as writing is like a therapy for me. That’s all.

Don’t ask me where all those thoughts come from because I really can’t even explain it to you. I guess it’s because I’m always insecure about almost everything. I’m always worried about what other people think or say about me. Some of you probably think I’m being silly for thinking that way, but I just can’t stop these thoughts invading my mind.

Quicksand

Halo, everyone. How are you? I hope you're all doing great. I know it's been a while since I've written a blog post—I apologize. To be fair, I didn't feel like writing another post again for a few months. Uh, well, eventually I learnt I had to let that attitude go.

There are many times when I am all alone and everything is quiet, especially at night, I start questioning myself about my life, like… why my life is so hard and my struggles so arduous. A big part of me cannot understand why I have to face so many problems that seem to never end and why I can’t just live a less stressful life, but the more I think about it, the more I get so frustrated, and then I end up crying myself to sleep like a sad, sad little girl. How silly.

I know that nobody has a perfect life and that everyone has at least one problem in their life, of course. But to be honest, I am so sick of my family problems and my own too. I’m sick that they can’t act their age. I’m sick of getting my hopes up for nothing. I’m tired of trying and not getting any results. I don’t know how long I can hold on. It seems like things just keep getting worse for me. I feel like… I’m being trapped in quicksands. I am thankful that my head is above the sand so I can still see, hear, breathe and speak, but I know I’m about to drown and I don’t know what to do. If I move, I will sink deeper. And that makes me feel afraid and worried. I’m worried if I do something, it will cause me nothing but even more trouble. I know I have to think and act fast in order to save my life, but heck, I’m stuck and I’m too afraid to do anything.