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Doormat

Halo, there! Have you ever had enough of someone's attitude, selfishness or mistreatment? Have you ever gotten to the point where you just couldn’t take anymore of the way someone is treating you?

There are times when I feel like I am nothing more than just a tool to some people. I'm sick and tired when they call me only when they need my help but they act as if I'm not existed when they don't need me. It makes me think that they want to be my friends just to treat me like a doormat.

I remember when I took a friend—ex friendto Bali. It was supposed to be a real fun short holiday but it turned out to be a huge disaster. I was so stupid for being too nice to her. Taking her for a holiday to Bali was completely a bad idea and I regret it until now. I should have kept my money for something else instead of wasting it for a stupid ungrateful dork.

I thought I was her best friend as she told me so. But words are just words. She never meant what she said to me. I knew it right away on the second day we were in Bali. We were shopping to get some stuff we needed when she got a phone call from someone. At first, I didn't know who was calling or what they were talking about. I didn't really care. But she was walking close to me so I could hear every word she said and I could easily guess who called her from her answers.

It was her friend, asking where she was and who she was with. I was shocked when I heard her saying that she was in Bali with an old friend. A freaking old friend, she said. Wait, what? Oh, right... we had been friends for more than a decade and I was nothing more than just an old friend to her, hahaha. She told me that I was her best friend, but said told the person who called her that I was just an old friend. She talked with a low voice to her friend but I actually could still hear it. I was sad she didn't acknowledge me as her best friend like I did. Maybe I'm not cool enough to be considered as her bestfriend. Maybe the person who was calling her that night was better than me in every aspect.

It was hurtful and I was shocked to hear that, but I didn't say anything. She thought I would not hear what she said on the phone to her friend, but I did. That night, I started to think that I was only a tool for her. I tried to act like nothing happened though, but the truth is, I really wanted to go back to the hotel and just sleep. Maybe her friends were way cooler than me so she was embarrassed to call me as her best friend. Maybe the caller was the one she called best friend.

It wasn't the only shocking thing to me. On our last day in Bali, right when we were ready to leave our hotel to the airport, we had an argument and she ended up attacking me wildly with crazy assumptions and accusing me of doing some things that I WOULD NEVER EVER do to her. She yelled at me along the hallway and down to the lobby where the staff and guests were all watching us and wondering what was going on between me and her.

You know what she argued about?? I swear it was not even a big deal. She argued over something that shouldn't even be a problem. It was not even her business to begin with! My huge backpack was already full of my clothes and some souvenirs that I bought for my parents. So, I didn't have any more space to put my biscuit packs in it.

So I decided to just give those away to the cleaners since I hadn't even opened it. Those were brand new biscuits packs. I hadn't touched it! You know what she said? She said that I shouldn't throw those away because my dear mother had bought those for me with her money. πŸ™„Actually I bought it myself with my own money so I had my right to do whatever the heck I wanted with those biscuits. I told her NICELY that I'd just give those to the hotel cleaners and put those biscuits on the table where anyone can spot those biscuits quickly. Now the question is: What right did she think she had to tell me what to do with those biscuits?? She didn't buy those!

Even though my mother bought it for me, she wouldn't mind if I gave those to those cleaners. Actually, my parents teach me to share what we have. Just every time me and my parents are staying at a hotel, we always... always....always.... always leave some tip and food (chocolates, biscuits, snacks) for the cleaners.

Oh... God, I was extremely embarrassed. Of course. I mean, can you imagine? People were watching us, but shockingly, she didn't seem to care at all and just kept making a scene in public like she had no manners at all. It was not just 2 or 3 stars hotel. It was 4 stars big hotel. She just kept yelling like crazy, like she had no shame, like she had no idea how to behave as a lady. She didn't even give me a chance to speak. Haha, wow.
"I can control my anger to the point where I don’t explode every time I get angry, but I cannot let my anger go either. I mean, whenever I’m angry at someone or something, I try very hard not to show it because the logical part in my brain suspects it’s an overreaction and I know that when I do explode, I will end up saying hurtful things. I don’t really want to hurt anyone so I just keep it bottled and stored up to avoid all that."
My embarrassment started to turn to anger, but I tried my best not to show it. I tried to control myself so I wouldn't do anything stupid, like bashing her damn big head against the freaking wall. I really wanted to shut her up because she kept yelling and yelling at me, making me feel so embarrassed. I felt humiliated. I swear, I was more than ready to kick her so hard in the freaking face for accusing me of being a bad friend when the only thing I wanted to do was to help her to get through all the problems she had at the moment.

I really wished she knew that the reason I took her to Bali because she had never been there before and she was having a hard time dealing with her problems so I thought going to Bali for a few days in the weekend would make her feel better. I booked the flights and the hotel for us using my last money. What I wanted was just to make her happy and forget her problems for a while before she started a new fresh week. That was the plan.

Anyway, she wasn't stopping there though. You know what's even more shocking to me? That day at the lobby, she said she would leave me alone at the hotel and go to the airport herself. And that was when my anger grew bigger. I told myself that I wouldn't ever forgive her. I mean, I paid for the flights and the hotel, but she wanted to leave me there and fly back home using the plane tickets I bought for her? How shameless!

EXCUSE ME?? What the heck?! I didn't expect any 'thank-you' in return, but at least, she could try to appreciate what I tried to do for her. Imagine you pay for someone's trip so they can relax and forget all their problems for a while, then they start to assume things up and accuse you for doing things you wouldn't ever do and come up with the idea to just leave you like you don't matter at all. It's so rude, childish and absolutely selfish.

I really couldn't believe what I heard that day. It was way more hurtful than hearing that she refused to call me her best friend. She had no shame for yelling in public where everyone was watching, no shame for accusing me of doing the things I never did and she absolutely had no shame for having an idea to leave me and go home alone without me using the flight I paid for her. I swear, she was so selfish to think about leaving me at the lobby.

It was the day when I realized that I was nothing more than just a doormat or tool to her. The day when I finally confirmed all my doubts that I had spent my very last money on the absolutely wrong person.

Well, I gave her what she wanted though. She said she wanted to go home without me so I booked another flight for myself later that night. I booked the last flight to Jakarta, causing me only had less than a hundred thousand rupiah. But that was okay. It was worth it. I didn't want to sit next to her either. It felt so disgusting for me to sit next to someone who clearly had no shame for behaving badly in public and also someone who treated me like a damn tool after everything I had done for her. I hated her so much and I still do until this day.

She didn't know that I spent my very last savings for the flights and hotel. She didn't know that I got into a very big trouble with my family when I arrived back home. She didn't know and she didn't care about me. I cared so much about her but all she cared about was herself. But now I don't care anymore. I hate her and I regret every single thing I had done for her. I regret every rupiah I spent for her. I don't think I can ever forget every single rude thing she said to me and how she yelled at me in public like that. I won't ever forget it and I won't forgive her. After everything I had done for her, she treated me like I was a doormat.

Screw her. She can go to hell. Once she hurt me, I will never be the same person and she will no longer have a place in my life. She hurt me so bad. I thought I could forgive her, but I couldn't. Now she's on the same level as a corpse to me.

46 comments:

  1. Bersikap baik yg terlalu berlebihan tidak bagus. Sewajarnya saja. Akhirnya akan merugikan diri sendiri. Kamu bisa belajar dari pengalaman ini.

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  2. Ya ampun mbak jahat banget temennyaa TT aku bacanya aja jd sebel. Tp tenang dgn semua kejadian itu jd bsa tau mana teman yg benar" baik atau tdak. Let go toxic person, mending sendiri dr pada punya temen yg gak punya hati begitu mbaak. Terus jd org baikk mbak, insya Allah selalu banyak kebaikan yg menyertai. Aamiin. . Salam kenaaal yaaa mbak, baru pertama kali blog walking kesini hehhee

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  3. Saya juga sulit memahami kok ya ada orang seperti itu, tapi itulah kenyataannya.

    Saya sering nonton Investigation Discovery Channel, banyakan orang-orang yang terbunuh itu justru di bunuh oleh orang-orang yang pernah dia bantu, dia cintai, dia temani, dia lindungi dan dia besarkan. Benar-benar Ironis.

    Taking care good yourself, you'll be alright :)

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  4. Kebaikan yang berlebih atau kepercayaan yang tinggi terkadang bisa menjadi suatu masalah jika tidak sesuai apa yang kita inginkan...πŸ˜„πŸ˜„

    Intinya biasa saja dan jangan terlalu berlebihan..πŸ˜„πŸ˜„

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  5. Kalau gue, udah gue tinju mukanya sejak di lorong hotel tuh.

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  6. aih, sakit banget ya dibegitukan. mungkin memang jiwanya lagi labil ya. jadi ga bisa bersikap dengan baik

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  7. Saya bisa memahamai gimana perasaan Mbak, sini curhat sama saya ... ( cieeee....gue kok kayak modus gitu yah,hahahah,,,, )

    Yang sabar yah Mbak, orang sabar di Sayang Allah SWT, mungkin dengan cara itu Allah ingin menunjukan tentang baik dan buruknya seseorang.

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  8. Semua pasti ada hikmahnya mbak, tergantung kedepannya mau menyikapinya gimana.. Tetap sabar ya... :)

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  9. Apapun alasannya, sangat tidak pantas berkata kasar pada orang lain apalagi didepan orang banyak,...saya bisa memahami apa yg mbak rasakan saat itu

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  10. semoga kelak mbak bisa menemukan orang yang bener bener tulus apa adanya bukan sahabat yang pingin sesuatu

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  11. Tentu pernah muak sama orang, bahkan teman sendiri. Namun, saya anaknya sekarang-sekarang ini bodo amatan, sih. Saat saya menganggap seseorang sebagai teman, lalu dia tidak menganggap saya demikian, saya biasa aja. Berusaha memberi tanpa berharap kembali. Berusaha juga selalu mengandalkan diri sendiri. Jadi kalau lagi enggak ada teman, saya bisa tetap berdiri sendiri. Lagian, hidup seringnya emang tentang jatuh bangun diri sendiri. Jarang ada yang mengulurkan tangan, termasuk keluarga, khususnya orang tua. Suatu hari mereka bakal pergi. Saya enggak bisa mengandalkan orang lain terus.

    Tapi cerita orang itu kok kebangetan betul, ya. Wajarlah, kamu murka, Ran. Hahaha. Bacanya aja kesel.

    Kalau diingat-ingat, saya kayaknya belum pernah memperlakukan maupun diperlakukan sebaik itu, sih, sebagaimana kamu berbuat baik terhadap sahabatmu--yang kelak malah ternilai sebagai mayat. Saya melakukan kebaikan semampunya. Berlebihan itu tak baik. Wqwq.

    Mengingat ada beberapa kawan baik saya yang rela traktir ini-itu pas saya bokek. Walaupun harganya kagak sampai senilai tiket pesawat (toh suatu kebaikan enggak bisa saya hitung dengan materi), tapi saya belajar bahwa suatu hari saya perlu membalas kebaikannya. Sedikitnya, berusaha ada ketika dia membutuhkan saya buat jadi teman cerita. Ketika saya belum mampu membalas kebaikan seseorang, paling enggak saya bisa mendoakan hal-hal baik untuknya. Dan yang terpenting: jangan pernah bikin dia menyesal telah berbuat baik kepada saya.

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  12. Sabar ya mbak, memang nggak semua perlakuan baik kita dibalas kebaikan pula. Apa ganjaran yang pantas buat, biar Allah yang jawab. Yang pentinh kita ikhlas...
    Yah, walaupun kelakuan teman kayak gitu juga bakal bikin saya emosi dan nangis penuh penyesalan.
    Semangat terus mbakπŸ’ͺ

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  13. Kadang merasa begitu. Tapi segera teralihkan dengan adanya banyak aktivitas. Memang tak mudah menjalin pertemanan.

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  14. Saya pernah ngeeasa sebwl banget am temen sekolah dulu...saya kan deket sama cewek ya temen gitu...terus ada cowok yang sok akrab ama saya eh ternyata cuma mau menalan ama temen saya yang cewe itu...jadi saya ngerasa dmnfaatin

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  15. Iya ... pernah juga sebel banget dengan orang. Tapi jadinya ya ... jaga jarak saja. Mendingan mengalihkan pikiran dengan melakukan aktivitas lain yang berguna.

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  16. kamu bisa tanpa dia, karena sebelum berteman dengannya pun kamu sudah bisa berdiri di kakimu sendiri, aku yakin dengan meninggalkan temanmu itu kamu tahu bahwa dia bukanlah manusia yang tepat untuk bertumbuh bersamamu. terima kasih kamu sudah ditunjukkan bagaimana sifat aslinya, sebelum semua terlampau jauh.

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  17. Bener2 temen tak tau diuntung yah. Udah dibantu, difasilitasi malah durhaka

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  18. Sabar dan tetap semangat ya kak, memang orang itu tabiatnya macam-macam. Tapi setidaknya bisa menjadi pelajaran buat kita semua kalau bertemu orang yang demikian

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    1. Kesabaran dan tetap semangat itu penting banget ya mbak Devina.

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  19. Berteman sama teman itu tidak ada larangannya dan tidak ada halangannya sama sekali Cuma terkadang kalau berteman sama teman terlalu dekat sekali pada akhirnnya akan ada yang tersakiti entah itu si A maupun si B mungkin bisa juga si A dan si B berkerja sama buat memusuhi si C dan sebagiannya dan terkadang teman yang selama ini kita anggap seperti keluarga sendiri itu lebih bahaya lagi terkadang teman yang kita anggap sebagai keluarga ini yang sering membuat kita kecewa dan membuat kita patah hati entah bagaiamana pun itu carannya.

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  20. Temanmu boleh byk, tapi buat apa jika memanfaatkanmu saja? Teman sejati adalah dia yang tak pergi meski kamu bukan siapa-siapa lagi. Saat temanmu hanya sedikit, dan karena itu, kamu terlihat sering bersama dengan orang yang sama, atau malah sendirian saja, mungkin orang akan menilaimu kesepian. Padahal mempunya banyak teman juga tidak menjamin kamu tidak pernah kesepian.

    Tidak semua teman bisa membuatmu nyaman. Kadang kamu harus menjaga sikap hingga berusaha menjadi orang yang berbeda saat bersama mereka. Rasa tidak nyaman itu juga bisa membuatmu kesepian meski kamu sedang berada di tengah-tengah kerumunan. Yang kamu butuhkan adalah teman yang saat bersamanya kamu tidak perlu berusaha menjadi orang lain karena kamu bebas mw menjadi seperti apa.

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  21. Karakter seseorang yang sesungguhnya terlihat saat kita dalam kesulitan, disitu akan dapat dinilai apa pantas disebut teman sejati atau hanya ada maunya saja

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  22. Hal rasa kecewa pasti ada.
    Amarah itu hal yang lumrah kalau sebagai manusia.
    Tapi kalau dari awal niatnya karena ikhlas demi Tuhan. Ingin mencari pahala. Dan berbuat baik itu karena perintah Tuhan.
    Mendapatkan perlakuan seperti itu tidak akan kecewa sekali. Orang yang kita baikin tapi kok justru bertindak buruk, hati tidak akan mudah emosi atau tersinggung.
    Dengan kejadian ini kan jadi tahu, bahwa dia bukan teman yang layak untuk diakrabi.
    Aduh ,saya kok jadi kayak mirip guru spiritual ya

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  23. Saya termasuk orang yang percaya kalau kebaikan yang kita lakukan akan berbalik pada diri sendiri, begitu juga dengan keburukan. Kalau saya jadi kamu, lebih baik dimaafkan saja orang itu. Cuma karena saya sudah tahu sifatnya, saya akan jaga jarak

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  24. Sabaaar. Tenang-tenang. Hehehe. Itu temennya bukan lucinta luna kan? Hobinya kok teriak2 melengking?

    Maafkan hamba, melihat komen2 yang lain, kayaknya hanya hamba yang patut di-kick dari blog ini. *sujud

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  25. Sabar ya mbak, iklaskan aja semua yg udah mbak keluarkan buat dia, mbak nggak perlu marah2, itu akan merugikan mbak sendiri, cukup dengan memulai untuk damai dengan diri sendiri dulu, nggak mudah memang, tp itu lebih baik daripada mbak terus mememdam amarah sama dia.

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  26. Ntar makin seiring waktu berjalan.. kita bakal tau bahwa kita cuma berusaha sendiri pada hidup kita. Akhirnya juga orang-orang yg bakal nunjukin ke kita betapa buruknya dunia.. hehe yah walaupun nggak semuanya.

    Jadi, tetap buat baik dalam batas wajarnya aja yah kak.

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  27. Ga enak yaa punya rasa ga enakan sama temen, apalagi temennya ga tau diri. udh dibantu tapi ga tau terima kasih ga punya hati njir. Temennya tega bgt ninggalin njirrr.

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  28. My old friends are my best friends too. Aku tipe yang tidak terlalu suka berteman dengan banyak orang, sedikit namun dalam. Tahu apa yang terjadi tanpa harus di beri tahu. Tapi emamng tidak bisa dipungkiri orang yang baru kita temui pun bisa menjadi sahabat yang luar biasa. Percayalah, kamu pasti akan menemukannya. hanya butuh waktu :)

    Semakin bertambah usia, teman semakin banyak namun sahabat tetaplah sama. Hanya kamu yang tahu. Terkadang menjadi terlalu baik tidak selamanya baik :) Love Yourself

    Salam :)

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  29. Well, I have ever had a bestfriend like her. Sorry, if I'm being to tell you. We were celebrating our bestfriend's birthday but at that time, I was in a family's trouble situation. I cut my days for doing a home's duty.

    Our plan was having lunch together. Just that. But, they changed in the middle of celebrating birthday. They agreed to go to the next plan. I said that I would join but I must have been home first and I would go after them.

    However, it's not running well. There was a demonstration and I can't go to the next plan but I was trying so hard. But, she said that I didn't care and she told other about her mind.

    Then, since at that time, she had never said hey to me although my other bestfriends understood me.

    After all, we're back to be good bestfriends now.

    I hope so with you too...

    She might be bad, but someday, she'll know how good you are. Don't make a bad pray for her! Show her that you're good. :)

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    1. "Sorry, if I'm being to tell you."
      No worries☺️

      It's a very good thing to hear you two become friends again. At least she didn't yell at you and embarrass you in public. As for me, I don't think I can ever forgive her for yelling at me in public like that. I am no longer interested in fixing our friendship. It's over. She's dead to me.

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  30. Kadang yang menyakiti kita itu bukan orangnya tapi ekspektasi kita ke orang itu yang berlebihan, kita ekspek dia menganggap kita sahabat dan kita sudah giving our all to mereka tapi ternyata bisa jadi mereka hanya menganggap kita teman biasa. That's why jangan pernah kasih sesuatu terlalu berlebih kepada seseorang. Hehehe. Semangat overcome the situation yaaa, seenggaknya bisa belajar banyak kalau nggak semua orang itu tulus berbaik hati ke kita, walau kita sudah tulus pada mereka :) take care~

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    1. Completely agree with this.

      Sometimes we just have to low our expectation and be ready for any surprise ahead.

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  31. kok tiba2 jadi english nih... hehehe

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    1. hehe.. baiklah mba. Berarti aku harus mantau artikel baru sebelum berubah jadi english nih

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  32. Waaaah! Bagiku yang sangat tak termaafkan adalah sikapnya tereak-tereak dan ngata-ngatain kamu di depan Umum. Gila! Itu paraaaah banget. Aku paling tak bisa digituin.

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  33. yaelah itu temennya mungkin pengen ditraktir es kopi sianida, wkwkk...
    dan, aku baca postinganmu sambil meraba2 artinya lho, maklumlah ya emak ini basa inggrisnya yes no doang bisanya.ehhe

    anyway, kalo ke bali lagi mitap yuk, tar kita rumpi cantik

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  34. Ya ampun.... Menyedihkan sekali memiliki teman seperti itu. At the end, aku serasa membaca kisahku yang jalan-jalan berdua teman namun berujung menjengkelkan dan membuatku kecewa itu. Kadang begitu, yang kita perjuangin yang kita bela2in malah ngetreat kita like a sh*t. πŸ™πŸ˜•

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  35. Artikelnya berubah dalam bahasa Inggris yah..? πŸ˜ƒπŸ˜†πŸ˜Š

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    1. Iya Kang Nata, ternyata saya dulu juga udh pernah mampir di artikel ini, komennya masih ada di atas πŸ˜„

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  36. Kan suka ada tipe2 temen kayak gitu, udah mah kita abis2an bantuin temen, eh temennya gak tau diri dan gak tau malu.

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  37. Saya juga pernah mengalami apa yang kamu rasakan. Berteman itu memang harus hati-hati pilih orang. Tidak boleh sembarangan dan jangan mudah percaya karena mereka akan menggunakan kebaikan kita untuk kepentingan mereka sendiri.

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