“To the world I adore and all the beautiful people
that struggle to survive from anxiety and depression,
let me introduce myself and share my stories with you.”
So, I finally decided to start writing a blog. And this blog will be like my online diary. Well, I’m not the type to talk about my feelings or what’s on my mind, but I’ve been really sad and weepy the past year. I feel like all messed up in my head and I'm extremely anxious and depressed like I haven’t been in a very long time. I have so much disappointment, anger and hurt built inside me. It’s like... you know when you blow a balloon with air until it pops? That is exactly how I feel right now. The problem is, I don’t have enough confidence to express my feelings bluntly like that and I don’t have anyone to talk to. I know some people and I do have friends, but we’re not so close. They’re not even nice enough to be called friends. Most of them are mean to me and I don’t want to deal with people like them.
My mother once told me that writing can help to alleviate my stress and worries. She also said that it’s a very good way to help me deal with my problems and keep my sanity in check. I agree. I think it’s a true proven fact that writing out all my problems can actually release some of the negative associated with them and help me think clearly through them. Actually, that’s the main reason why I want to start blogging – so I can handle my anxiety and don’t fall into insanity.
So why am I putting out my problems on the internet?
Well, for starters, writing my thoughts and problems on a diary book to myself seems pointless. What I want is to share them in the hope that maybe, someone somewhere out there can relate to it and see that I’m not alone. And I also need some interactions and opinions. I don’t know if anyone will find it helpful, but maybe it might make them feel better just to see that someone in the other side of the world has gone through the same thing. And plus... I can make new friends!! Who knows, right?
Second, some of you might ask why can’t I just go to my parents and tell them about my problems and how I really feel. NO FREAKING WAY!!! Well, as I mentioned before, I’m not the type to talk about my feelings to anybody. I am a very shy person and I always keep all my problems to myself. Some say I’m an introvert, but I don’t think I’m that introvert. It’s so hard for me to open up to my parents and share my personal feelings with them in a way that I haven’t done at all. Ugh, I’m worried of their reaction when they know how bleak my mind really is. I do trust them, but I just can never open up to them or anybody at all. It would be very awkward to me.
Third, I feel like it’s just easier to talk about all my problems and how I feel here on this plain boring blog where nobody knows who I am. I feel more relax sitting alone in the corner of my room and typing down all my thoughts on here. Well, I guess this blog can be my very own corner of safe net where I can be myself, you know, to exactly say what I want and how I want without having to worry that what I say isn’t good enough or will make me look really dumb or anything... lol. So that’s why I’ve decided to make this blog anonymous with no picture of myself. Yes, you won’t see any single picture of me on this blog or anywhere. So, don’t ever ask me to show you how I look like.
Anyway, by starting this blog, I really want to forget all those painful memories and just move on with my life. I DO NOT want to remember any single thing to do with the person I used to call ‘best friend’ anymore. I’m so sick of her and all of the bad things she said about me behind my back to her stupid fake friends like a coward. How could she do that to me? I’d never ever do anything like that to her. This is why I HATE getting close to anyone. At the end, I always regret sharing too much, caring too much, doing much and feeling too much. To me, she’s dead. Long gone and dead. Oh, wow. See?? Somehow my words come together a whole lot better when I write them down.
Alright. So, I will use this blog as a therapy for myself in order to heal my anxiety and release my anger. I will talk about anything I want without having to pretend to be something that I’m not. So here I am, sitting in my small room, listening to Kygo music and typing the very first post on my super plain blog. I really don’t know how this is going to turn out, but we’ll see. I will post twice a month, maybe more (depends on my mood though), about a lot of things from my personal thoughts, my drawings, and more. I love taking random photos and I will be posting them too.
So, hello from me to you. Thank you so much for reading my blog. Hey, you can share what you think on the comment below. I sure will read every single of them. Cheers, beautiful people! Spread love, not hate. It’s okay to leave your blog link, so I can give your blog a visit. See you!