I Will Not Lose

Have you ever had someone in your family who seems perfectly harmless to everyone else, sweet, innocent, the kind of person that people love, but the moment you're alone with them, something shifts?

Like a switch flips.

Suddenly you're not looking at the same person anymore. You're looking at a wolf that's just been wearing a very convincing sheep's costume.

Everyone else sees an angel. You see something else entirely. The moment the door closes and it's just the two of you, the sweetness disappears and what's left feels nothing like family.

 These kind of people are masters of sympathy.

They know exactly which words to say, which face to make, which tears to shed at exactly the right moment, and everyone falls for it.

Every word they say is treated like gospel. Meanwhile, you're the one being mistreated, and you can't even say anything, because... who would believe you?

Not your friends. Not your parents. Not your family.

You'd only end up looking like a complete fool, because this person is really that good. Their innocence is a performance they've perfected—the angelic face, the pretty smile, the cheerful little laugh—all of it hiding something so different underneath.

So, you do the only thing you feel like you can do:
You swallow it. Again. And Again.
You try your best to keep moving on with your life.

I am tired. Exhausted, actually. But I've stopped trying to fight it, because I know exactly how this ends.

Trying to convince people that someone they already trust is manipulative?

It's like talking to a wall and it won't end well for me. They already made up their mind. It's pointless to communicate with them because they have already decided their stance.

No matter what I say, no matter how much proof I have, it won't matter to them. It never does. Instead, I become the problem.

It will end up, them pointing their finger at me, accusing me of seeking for attention or being childish.

Suddenly, I am the jealous one. The dramatic one. The liar.

Funny how that works: the person doing the hurting stays innocent,
and the person getting hurt becomes the villain.

And yes, it hurts when nobody listens and believes me.
It hurts more than I can put into words,
not being trusted by the people that I hoped would protect me.

My own family.
The people who were supposed to be in my corner.
I put so much hope into them seeing the truth,
and instead, I got silence.

It's okay.

Now, something in me has shifted.

I am done pouring my energy into people
who will never believe me.

I'm done trying to convince them
when they have already decided that I am wrong.

I am now at the point in my life where if something drains me, if something steals my peace or my happiness, then I'll just walk away. I will not waste a single second of my precious time to deal with it.

Yeah, well, call me a loser or a coward. Whatever.
I maybe am.

I just don't want to make it worse
and end up as a laughing stock.
I feel like I really don't have the energy
to be around negative people anymore.
I don't want to waste my precious time and energy
trying to convince people to believe me.

Sure, I have every right to be angry when people wrong me. But I'm choosing not to do that. I'm choosing to replace "why is this happening to me?" with "what is this trying to teach me?"

I believe that the higher road, even when it's harder, even when it's lonelier—that is the road I want to take. Learn from it. Move on from it.

If the situation ever calls for something more, like, a legal response, I won't hesitate to pursue that. But even then, I'll do my best to keep my emotions in check. Because at the end of the day, I only have myself. And I have to be at peace with who I am. That's the one thing that matters the most.