I Will Not Lose

Have you ever been in a situation where you see someone in your family who likes to pretend to be innocent and act differently when they are with other people and when they are only with you, like a wolf in a sheep suit? They are really good at trying to get sympathy from people and manipulating their way through life. Everything they say is like the holy grail to other people. They mistreat you but you just cannot tell your parents or any other of your family member about it because none of them will believe it and you will end up making a fool of yourself if you tell them because this person is so cunning, so good at acting like a goddamn saint and they hide their true color very well behind their angelic face, beautiful smile and their cheerful attitude, so the only thing you can do is swallow it and try your best to keep moving on with your life😐

I am seriously sick and tired of it, but I'm not going to do anything about it. I don't want to make it worse. Trying to convince people about someone that has a good image in the mind of the people you're trying to convince is like talking to the wall. They already made up their mind, so what's the point? They will not believe every word I say. It will end up, them, pointing their finger at me and accusing me of seeking for attention, being childish, jealous, shallow, rude, a liar or whatever.

Sure, it hurts when nobody listens, when nobody believes me and cares to help, especially when I put so much hope on my family. But it's okay. My whole mindset has changed now. I feel like I really don't have the energy to do certain things and be around negative people anymore. I don't want to waste my precious time and energy trying to convince people to believe me. I am now at the point in my life where if something is draining me or ruining my peace of mind and happiness, I will not waste a single second to deal with it. 

I have the right to be angry when people do me wrong, but I don't wanna do that. I choose to replace "why is this happening to me?" with "what is this trying to teach me?". I think, it is even better to take the higher road; learn from it and move on. If it's a situation that calls for a legal response, I will pursue that but I will also try to moderate my emotion. At the end of the day, I only have myself and I have to be happy with myself. That is the most important thing.

When I was still little, I had a very simple mind. I became friends with any kid who wanted to be my friend too. I didn't care whether they were rich or poor. And I didn't care about their intentions toward me. I mean, I was still so little and I had just started my life as a girl in this world, what did I know about "hidden intention" though? As a little kid, I only knew how to have fun, watch a cartoon anime, draw, play with my dolls, color my drawing book, eat pretty cakes and candies, and so on.

As I grew up, I started to learn more and more about many things. I started to understand how life actually works and witness how some strangers that barely know you can actually be the kindest people you've ever known while the ones you've known for years can be a bunch of cold-blooded psychopaths. Some people can be so damn manipulative to reach their goals, acting incredibly nice in front of you but talking crap about you behind your back at the same time. Whether it's family or friends, basically anyone can turn their back on you and betray you for the sake of their own benefit. They don't even care about the things that you have done for them. That's just so heartless.

Well, there are many strange things in this world that I may find unacceptable and I will never know when such strange and unacceptable things may happen to me, but I know that I have to learn to accept and understand them. And most importantly, I must not stop believing in myself. No matter how hard life gets, the best way to go through it is to believe in ourselves, right? It is not my job to expose people; their lies and their fake personalities. It's God's job. I believe that in due time, they will eventually expose themselves for who they really are.

So, from now on, I will create my own happiness. I will only focus on my life and my future. I will try my best to stay away from this person and all the people who won't even take the time to listen, to find out the truth before pointing their finger and start accusing me this and that. They are not fair. Yes, I know that. Let them be. I will not let it ruin me for the sake of my sanity. I don't want to stress about it and I cannot let myself fall into depression because of this. I will only stay with the people who open their hearts to me and welcome me in, not the ones who don't give a damn about me, disrespect me and mistreat me.

There will be people who will be nice to you in front of other people and be the meanest when no one is watching. Keep them far away from you. They will promptly blame you for not having a good relationship with them. But that's fine, because these people are extremely manipulative and they are also dangerous to your mental health.

.